selenak: (uptonogood - c.elisa)
[personal profile] selenak
1. Norma Bates (Bates Motel version)

2. Philip Jennings (The Americans)

3. Missy (aka Gomez!Master) (Doctor Who)

4. Jimmy McGill (Better Call Saul)

5. Rachel Duncan (Orphan Black)

6. James McGraw/Captain Flint (Black Sails)

7. Ahsoka Tano (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

8. Bernie Gunther (Philip Kerr: The Bernie Gunther Mysteries)

9. Sarah Connor (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles)

10. Alfred of Wessex (The Last Kingdom)

11. Andra'ath/Miss Quill (Class)

12. Londo Mollari (Babylon 5)

13. Phyllis Crane (Call the Midwife)

14. Doc Holliday (Wynona Earp incarnation)

15. Jessica Jones (MCU version)

And you came up with some awesome prompts!



If Doc Holliday and Jessica Jones have to save their crashing shuttle craft, who does what and does it work?

Not at all, I'm afraid. Doc has trouble with cars, let alone shuttle crafts. Jessica has zilch ideas about how to land one, either. Now, between Doc's immortality and Jessica's super strength they might have a chance to survive, though Doc's immortality seems to be the type that simply prevents aging, not physical injuries, and Jessica can and often does get hurt, so that' snot guaranteed. But still, one thing is sure: once they make it out alive, they'll get gloriously drunk.

Philip Jennings and Captain Flint have to get to a location for an event at a specific time. Exactly how lost do they get and do they ask for directions?

Ha. Actually, in 90% of the possible scenarios I'd say they'd not get lost at all, no matter whether they're in Flint's era or in Philip's, because Philip is too much of a pro (fessioinal KGB agent) not to ask for directions if he truly doesn't know the territory, and pretty good at reconnaissance, while Flint is a superb navigator. However, if you catch them both in full on self destructive mode (say, early season 3 Flint meets mid season 2 or late season 3 Philip), they might spend considerable time wandering aimlessly and brooding about the point of it all. And/or picking a fight as a subconscious way to end it all. (Neither would deliberately commit suicide.) But like I said, this would be the worst case scenario unlikely to happen. What I am curious about re: 90% of the other cases, is what version of Philip Flint would get, because again, Philip is a pro and would project a persona fitting his company. So, harmless travel agent, Stan's buddy (so he'll get underestimated by the evidently capable and lethal guy next to him)? Not to harmless but still not revealing full capability professional (i.e. say, his CIA agent persona)? Embittered war veteran (think of the Ted persona, the Vietnam vet) full of grudges, if he picks up on Flint's issues? Hmmm. As for Flint, if it's later seasons Flint, he might pick up on the fact that this is another chameleon...

Ahsoka Tano and Missy are suddenly body swapped. How do they cope and what does each do to fix it?

Oh dear. It takes Missy in Ahsoka's body all of five minutes to spot the local evil overlord in Chancellor Palpatine, and to figure out Anakin's surefire triggers. Consequently, she ensures that the next assassination attempt Palpatine arranges against Padme succeeds, but also that Palpatine is caught in the act by Anakin (and his brave and mysteriously somewhat more cynical Padawan). Anakin goes Dark Side and kills Palpatine (with a little help from his friend), and when the horrified Council tries to contain him afterwards, it's full out war and slaughter. At the end of the day, Missy!Ahsoka ends up as the new Empress of the Galaxy, with Anakin as her Enforcer. Then she gets bored because the Doctor doesn't turn up and figures out a way to get back to her old body, leaving real Ahsoka to deal with the subsequent mess. If, that is, Ahsoka hasn't found a way to get her body back first.

Meanwhile: Ahsoka is understandably freaked out at first to be stuck in an alien body with lots of hair and the wrong shape, not to mention that while she can still feel the Force, her access to it in this body is somewhat limited. At least all the machines trying to kill her is a familiar situation. (The body switch happens when Missy is surrounded by Daleks on Skaro.) Ahsoka is able to destroy enough Daleks and stay alive long enough for the Doctor to come back, despite him still being massively angry with Missy about her stunt with Clara. He then assumes Missy is playing games by insisting to be someone else and is so pissed off he's nearly leaving again, except he's also got ample experience with teenage girls, and Missy is good, but not THAT good at faking being one. Cue mind reading to make sure. Once he's made mental contact with Ahsoka, the Doctor tries his best to help her, of course, though a part of him is just the tiniest bit amused that the Master got body snatched instead of the other way around for a change. Combining forces (no pun intended), it shouldln't take Ahsoka and the Doctor too long to get Ahsoka back into her own body, so the above sketched scenario might not get very far.

Ahsoka and Phyllis Crane are stuck in a Groundhog Day-type time loop. How do they pass the time?

If they're in Phyllis' part of the multiverse, Phyllis gives Ahsoka a crash course in nursing and midwifery. Just because the day endlessly repeats is no reason not to help people in distress, and Nurse Crane isn't one to allow idle bystanders to remain idle. Though Ahsoka does persuade her to devote part of the day to figuring out a way to break the loop, AND gets Nurse Crane to let her drive, despite her age, once she shows off the mechanical skills picked up from Anakin. If they're in the GFFA, Ahsoka still might get to pick up some nursing to pass the time, but mainly Phyllis finds endlessly new and creative ways to lecture Yoda and the entire Jedi Council (if available in the time and place of the loop) on the evils of raising child soldiers every time the loop repeats.

What's the most likely superpower Missy would have, and how would Jessica Jones defend themselves against it?

Oh dear. (Again.) The Master is canonically excellent at hypnosis. Jessica is canonically a former victim of mind control. And while she eventually developed immunity towards Killgrave's power, the specific circumstances likely wouldn't mean she's also immune to Missy's, at least not from the get go. Otoh she IS likely to spot an egocentric mind controller with issues imiles away, and would, depending on when in her timeline this happens, either a) run as fast as she could, or b) try to render Missy unconscious by any force necessary. And Jessica has quite a lot of force.

Would Philip Jennings and Ahsoka Tano make good drinking buddies?

You know, probably. Both if Ahsoka is still a teenager and if she's an adult rebel. Philip has a knack for getting along with teenage girls (see also: Kimmie) if they're not his daughter, and with one or two exceptions is consistently good at getting along with people of both genders if he wants/needs to (it's part of his job requirement). Also, if we're talking post-The Wrong Jedi-Ahsoka, her issues with the Jedi Order might resonate a lot. Otoh, if pre-The Wrong Jedi Ahsoka figures out what he does for a living, the hanging out and drinking together will end pretty quickly.

Norma Bates and Jimmy McGill are starring in a hurt/comfort epic. Who is hurt and why, how good a patient are they, and how does the other feel about having to take care of them?

ZOMG, I can so see that. For both Jimmy and his later version Saul, though in different circumstances. If he's still more Jimmy than Saul, then maybe Norma tries to figure out whether she can sue the people who sold her the motel under false pretenses after all, and he's a cheap, available lawyer. If he's fully Saul, then he represents one of the local drug lords. In either scenario, he ends up beaten up by mistake by a local thug who is actually after Dylan, which is why Norma feels obliged to nurse Jimmy/Saul back to health. (That, and she doesn't want a lawyer to sue her for something that happened on motel grounds.) Norma being a beautiful blonde with a strong personality, she's clearly Jimmy's type (*cough* Kim *cough* Skyler), and that any longer contact with her would reveal she's got massive issues and a family background which would make his functional by comparison would mean his survival instict will make him leave at the end of the story without a forwarding address, but not before flirting and sharing as much as he can. Meanwhile, Norma is able to spot a con man if she sees one and wouldn't tell him her darkest secrets (i.e. the Caleb backstory, the rapist she killed and anything to do with Norman's blackouts), but she'd be charmed enough to warm up to him and flirt back. (If Alex witnesses this, he'd check Jimmy's background with interesting results in no time flat.) (If Norman does, well....) Norma being fond of old movies, she'd get Jimmy a series of dvds to watch during recovery and might debate some with him. Generally, Jimmy would be a good patient, enjoying the situation, until, that is, he witnesses a Norma freakout after an argument with either of her sons, gets subjected to some grilling by the local Sheriff, and has an encounter with Norman in which Norman comes on to him while displaying an alternate personality.

After a bad day, Philip Jennings walks into a bar. What do they ask the bartender to serve to them?

We actually have a sort of canonical answer to that one. Whatever he's (not) drinking with Charles Duluth comes to mind, as does beer with Stan. If it was a REALLY bad day, he might smoke a joint.

What does Rachel Duncan like to do on cold, rainy days?

Depending on when in her timeline: sex with Ferdinand (or one of her handlers), brooding over old home movies, re-reading H.G. Wells, scheming against someone, mess with Sarah's life in particular, trying to recover from injury, meditate, trying to figure out how the hell a friendship bracelet is made.


Missy and Jimmy McGill are the top candidates for the same position. What is it, and which one gets the job?: Presumably Missy is posing as a lawyer for some reason, and trying for a partnership. She wins. Sorry, Jimmy.

Under what circumstances would Ahsoka Tano retire from their chosen profession?

Canonical answer: being framed for murder, then expelled by the organization she has dedicated her life to, then, after her innocence was proven, being condescendingly told the experience was for her own good. That would do it.

Of everyone else on the list, which would be the most appropriate working partner for Bernie Gunther? Romantic partner for Sarah Connor? Mortal enemy of Alfred of Wessex?

Detective and lawyer combinations are practical and even more so if both are morally ambigous, so it's Jimmy McGill for Mr. Gunther (I assume temporal displacement is involved). Sarah: with rare exceptions, doesn't do romance as opposed to flings. (If she does do romance, it tends to end lethally for the guy in question. *moment of mourning for Kyle Reese and Charley*.) Can see various people on the list good for a brief friends with benefits thing, but none she'd let her guard down for enough to actually fall in love with them. Mortal enemy: Missy as chaotic evil comes to mind, though Alfred, famous human King or not, would hardly register on that scale with her, so it would be one sided.

How does Jessica Jones take their coffee?

With Luke Cage, she says blandly, pointing to canon.

Does Doc Holliday know where their towel is?

I doubt it.

How would Andra'ath/Miss Quill deal with a zombie apocalypse?

By declaring I AM WAR and taking out a lot of them. Possibly this would also involve enlisting some teenagers for help.

Norma Bates, Captain Flint, Londo Mollari and Phyllis Crane are classmates in a Wacky High School AU and have to work together to create a group presentation on the marine biology of the Caribbean for science class. Who's the presenter? Who does the majority of the research? Who puts together the powerpoint presentation? Who took charge and coordinated everything? And most important, what Wacky High School Hijinks took place when they were working on the project?

Phyllis Crane takes charge and coordinates everything, despite all the egos involved. (Norma tries at first but the whole thing derails because Flint ALSO tries to take charge at first, on the grounds of knowing the most about marine biology of the Caribbean, and they end up screaming at each other. Which is when sensible Phyllis Crane takes over) When everyone has moderately calmed down, Flint does provide the majority of the research. Norma and Londo share putting together the power point presentation, with Londo eventually presenting the whole thing, due to having the most flair in public speaking. Hijinks include Londo trying to interest a supremely uninterested Flint in a bet as to who would score with Norma but ending up locked in a closet with Phyllis instead, Norma pretending to run for Prom Queen when she can't even afford the dress, and Flint getting into trouble with the teachers causing all of them locked together in detention

Rachel Duncan, Ahsoka Tano, Londo Mollari and Jessica Jones form a band. Who plays what instrument and what kind of music do they play?

Great Maker, as Londo would say. Okay, here we go. Jessica is on drums. Rachel sings. (Purely based on Tatiana Maslany being capable of doing anything, which presumably would include singing.) Londo turns out to be an excellent lead guitar player because he's not above using his tentacles. Ahsoka plays bass.

Norma, Missy, Rachel, Ahsoka and Sarah are aboard a balloon that's going to crash if they don't shed some weight. Who gets thrown out first, and why? Repeat for the remaining Jimmy, Flint, and Philip...

Let's see: Missy and Rachel would each get the idea of throwing someone overboard before any others did and be ready to do it, and they'd probably start with Norma, both realising that of everyone involved, Norma is the one without any type of martial arts training. HOWEVER, Ahsoka would keep Norma from falling and would argue that she can keep the balloon afloat with the help of the Force if everyone just shuts up and keeps quiet, and would put Sarah in charge of stoping any further shenanigans by Rachel and Missy. Which Sarah would do, but with the silent understanding that if Ahsoka DOESN'T manage to pull this Force thing off, she's going to throw Missy overboard, because Sarah has an apocalypse to prevent and needs to survive.

If it's Jimmy, Flint and Philip, then Jimmy is for the fall, alas. The other two guys are too good at ruthless survival AND hand-to-hand combat.

Bernie Gunther and Alfred of Wessex are going on a trip together. Where do they pick, and how does it go?

One of them is time travelling, so: if it's Alfred, he'll want to see for himself what has become of England. This is doable it's is the early 1930s, poses major problems if it's the later 1930s and 40s, but is easier if it's the 50s, though then Bernie is undercover and really doesn't want to go there anyway. Why he should come with Alfred in the first place: well, he has a track record of being blackmailed and/or manipulated by powerful men. Also there's probably a murder or two to solve. If Bernie is the time traveller, he would probably consider not going back to begin with, but early medieval Britain really isn't his style, Christianity as practiced then isn't, whereas the Danes would probably remind him of the ghastly time he spent in Yugoslavia, so, no. He'll want to figure out how to get back to the 20th century and for plot reasons this would have to involve Alfred. Cue kidnapping of the King, pursuit by followers of same and Alfred, en route to Stonehenge (because it's always a menhir circle for time travel, isn't it?), using the opportunity to get some information about the future out of Bernie for tactical advantage.


One of these characters is your new boss. Which is the best option? Which is the worst?

Working for Bernie as a secretary, researcher and/or junior partner in detection would involve involve living through the worst period of German history and likely as not ending up dead. No thanks. Working for Alfred would be ghastly as a serf/maid, so I'd probably become a nun post haste and enlist in Hild's convent, offering my services as a scribe. Which would still involve medieval hygiene (or lack of same), medical risks, and possible death by Danish raider. Damn, there are just no good options here!


All the even numbers are in a book club together. What books--either by an odd number or anyone--do they read, what do they think of them, and what's the general trend of their meetings? Who hosts, who brings the best food, who reads the book and who doesn't, and does the book commonly read lead to violence, sex, or rants about fandom trends?

That would be the all male book club, since the evens are men, the odds women. Luckily, there are various canonical book lovers among them. As for the host: Londo, of course. But since Centauri have their own cuisine, not always compatible with humans, it's Jimmy who provides the best food for the majority of participants. What do they read: well, Flint DOESN'T want Marcus Aurelius, since that's too intimate and personally painful to discuss, to Alfred's disappointment, because he'd totally have been up for that and Flint was the only other guy rooting for philosophers of the ancient world as reading material. His counter suggestion of Boethius is voted against by Doc, Bernie and Philip. Philip's suggestion of Shogun (canon!) by James Clavell wins over Flint's suggestion of Don Quixotte (not least because none of the guys at first intend to stick around long enough for Don Quixotte). Shogun turns out to be a surprise hit with the club, though Alfred's idea that that Father Martin Alviro is the true underappreciated hero of the tale, even with the narrator biased against him, is met with universal scepticism and charges of overidentification. (Which Alfred considers ludicrous. He's clearly Toranaga.) Londo hates that Mariko gets killed off at the end, though he understands her motivation and strategy (fulfilling her mission by committing suicide that shames Toranaga's enemies into releasing the hostages), while Flint just hates her death, full stop. There is some discussion whether Blackthorne will truly assimilate or will always be someone between worlds. Philip refuses to have an opinion about this, or about whether or not Yabu is a traitor. This is regarded as a maddening trait by the rest of the book club, and Londo vows to ply Philip with wine, women and song until he gets an unambigious opinion from him. He succeeds in getting everyone drunk with brivari and Philip saying that Blackthorne will never be completely Japanese, but his children will be. It turns out that Jimmy has made photos of everyone in various stages of drunkenness for possible future blackmail. This is the end of the book club.

Norma, Rachel, Sarah, Miss Quill, and Phyllis Crane are playing poker together. Who, if anyone, cheats? Who bluffs really well? Who's best at reading the other players' tells? Who bets more than they can afford to lose? Does someone suggest making it strip poker? And, of course, who wins? And do the others turn on them for it?

Think they're good at bluffing but are really not: Norma and Miss Quill. They're not bad at reading other people's tells, though. Actually good at bluffing: Sarah Connor. Rachel has a good poker face, but has a few triggers and can be provoked into showing emotion. Best at reading other people's tells: Phyllis Crane. (It comes with the medical territory and the life experience.) Rachel cheats often. Quill almost cuts her hands off the first time she notices. Norma, being Norma, does bet more than she can afford because she hopes to finally become financially independent through this. Sarah is about to win, but has noticed that Norma needs the money the most and thus finds a way to forfeit the game to her. Quill and Rachel aren't impressed.

Bernie Gunther catches Londo Mollari breaking into their home. What is Londo looking for, and how does Bernie respond?

The other way around would be easier, even with time travel, but let's assume Bernie has ended up on the station somehow, and it's mid to late s2. Bernie, working as a P.I on the station as well, has been hired by G'Kar to find physical evidence of Londo collaborating with the Shadows, and has obtained a data crystal supposedly containing a conversation between Londo and Mr. Morden. Londo wants it back. It then turns out the material on the data crystal doesn't feature Mr. Morden at all (both Morden and Londo are too careful to have incriminating conversations via the Babcom), but is about Adira, which is why Londo wants it back. (He figures that if his enemies, including the Narn, are aware of how much she still means to him, she's likely to get killed in retaliation. Little does he know...) Bernie, despite suspecting/knowing G'Kar's accusation is actually true, also is a noir detective which means he's a romantic at heart and thus lets Londo get away with the crystal.


Ahsoka is about to do something mind-blowingly stupid and Jimmy and Phyllis Crane have teamed up to try to stop them. What's the stupid thing, and how does the attempt at stopping it work out?

A time travel device is involved, and Ahsoka wants to prevent Anakin becoming Vader, of course. However, Jimmy McGill is enough of a genre fan to know that the resulting time paradox would blow up the universe, and can convince Phyllis of this. (Phyllis is also afraid Ahsoka will simply get herself killed trying.) They do succeed by altering the device so Ahsoka instead ends up on the TFA future (without a return ticket), where she can mentor Rey and attempt to prevent the past from repeating.
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