Fannish Complaints, Take II, or: Parody Alert

You can't stay in various fandoms for long before noticing certain patterns repeating themselves. So, a friend & self came up with the following silliness.
If LOTR were a new work-in-progress in this day and age, people would certainly complain like this:

- why keep the Fellowship separated! We want more Fellowship vibe!
- everything after FOTR sucks
- Tolkien is losing it with all these new characters; he's spreading himself thin
- this Eowyn is taking time away from our heroes, and besides, she's such a Mary Sue; she even gets to win a crucial duel!
- Tolkien's a total sell-out if he doesn't have Gimli and Legolas declare their love for each other!
- The whole "Gandalf the White" storyline completely destroys my ability to take death seriously in LotR!
-Oh, sure, Boromir suddenly comes up with a little *brother*. The story's ruined!
- Frodo doesn't appreciate Sam enough. Sam's the real hero of the story!
- Gollum is destroying the Sam/Frodo relationship! Get rid of him!
- What the heck happened to Frodo's characterisation? He's closing himself off, we don't know what's going on with him - this isn't the hobbit we signed up for!
- Bring back Boromir!
- Frodo not throwing the ring away settles it: he's not a hero anymore, he's a parasite; when did LOTR become The Gollum Show?
- the Scouring of the Shire totally negates the original message
- Rosie takes too much time away from Sam; she's clearly evil, and pushy, and though she hardly gets any lines, she
should shut up!
- what? Tolkien, you bastard, you broke up Frodo and Sam! Sell-out!
- we never got any resolution to that incident in the Downs, and what happened to the crucial Tom Bombadil storyline anyway?