20 lessons about life in the 1980s The Americans teaches you

1.) The KGB is everywhere.

2.) Squeezing your anus is a way to defeat a polygraph test.

3.) Americans are better at cigarettes, Russians are better at vodka.

4.) Unless Ronald Reagan is personally scaling the walls of the Rezidentura in his cowboy hat, it is unwise to disturb the Resident in his radio room.

5.) Ronald Reagan doesn't care.

6.) Marriage is hard.

7.) Computer games are a way to lose weight.

8.) Any gorgeous woman picking you up in a bar/hotel lobby/record shop is definitely a spy.

9.) Any friendly guy ready to listen to your woes and/or revealing his inner sex animal is also a spy.

10.) Do not watch The French Lieutenant's Woman with your mistress.

11.) Do read Anna Karenina, especially if you're dealing with Russians on a regular basis.

12.) Love advice from the KGB sucks; it involves either awkward dog metaphors or the idea not to say "I love you" at all.

13.) American generals announcing they're in control on tv do not, in fact, intend to declare a coup.

14.) "Easier" doesn't equal "better".

15.) Communism works better in Israel than it does in Russia.

16.) Captured Mossad agents will not shut up (and while not getting free, they will get personal information this way).

17.) America isn't Israel's friend, it's Israel's dad who won't let them take out the car for a ride whenever they want.

18.) It's good to have a shared enemy. (Unless you have historical foresight and know how that one will turn out.)

19.) Both KGB and Christian churches are into recruiting idealistic teenagers.

20.) TVs make for great bottle openers.

Apropos the Day: A Fairy Tale

„Mr. Gold“, Henry asked, because „Gramps“ was David, and „Rumpelstilskin“ somehow seemed too familiar, “what’s your take on Scottish independence?”

“Why on earth should I care?” his grandfather replied. He’d been in a bad mood ever since Belle had discovered his latest lie, which somehow resulted in Rumpelstilskin moving in with Henry’s other grandparents. The dubious reasoning for this that he wanted David constantly available for relationship advice.

“Well, aren’t you…I mean, your accent is Scottish! I can tell! I heard it on tv when they showed Doctor Who. “

Rumpelstilskin did not look impressed. However, his glare had yet to affect Henry.

“I mean, I know you’re not from this Scotland, but surely you’re from fairy tale Scotland! The one with Mel Gibson?”

“Do not mention this name to me”, Rumpelstilskin replied. His 28 years as Mr. Gold had included having to track down people unwilling to fulfill their debts even when they were hiding in Storybrooke’s lone cinema when it showed the man in question attempting what sounded like a parody of Gold’s own voice.

But Henry was unstoppable. “I bet all the Scottish fairy tales are real, too. So does Nessie get a vote? There’s a Nessie, right?”

Rumpelstilskin decided to be generous. After all, this was his grandson, and he used to have a soft spot for the child before the boy turned out to be the bane of his existence as well.

“There used to be, but she emigrated to the east after too many visits by knights eager to make their name. I was able to arrange a deal.”

Henry’s eyes were big as balloons. “What kind of a deal?”

“Let’s just say when Regina cast the curse, it enabled the lady from Loch Ness to start a new life and a film career in this world’s Japan.”

Being his grandson, the boy was quick. “Nessie is Godzilla! No way!” He frowned. “But Godzilla movies are way older than the 80s. Mr. Gold, are you having me on?”

Joking as the accusation was, it reminded Rumpelstilskin of the dire situation with Belle right now, and his brief attempt at grandfatherly teasing collapsed.

“Yes,” he said shortly and wished the boy would leave him to his brooding.

“Well, it’s a cool idea anyway,” Henry conceded. “So – since I’m your grandson, am I fairy tale Scottish, too? Can you teach me the accent?”

“Even my power has limits,” Rumpelstilskin said, and vanished into purple smoke.