Broccoli!

[selenak]

penknife wrote a smart post about how being able to imagine characters compatible in non-sexual situations helps her with the 'shipping, and in comments linked to something called the broccoli test. (Check out the comments to see how and why some of her pairings, like Charles/Erik or Jack/Elizabeth would fail the broccoli test, because it's hilarious to read and so true.)

This immediately made me wonder about my own pairings of choice, which, if we're talking romance/sex, aren't that many, and a) the being able to imagine them just hanging out and b) the broccoli factor. Because it's not lke I shouldn't rather follow Darth Real Life's instructions and get some work done.

So, let's see:

Londo/G'Kar (Babylon 5): pass the "imagine them just hanging out test" with flying colours - one of the many reasons I will defend season 5 to the death is that we see Londo & G'Kar being so comfortable with each other, in an ongoing snark and banter way, sure, but that makes it fun. Starting with the last but one episode of s4, "Rising Star", you get those scenes where they, well, hang out. ( And once Delenn gives them that brilliant "body guard" excuse, they even share bedrooms, but that's another story.)

On the other hand, I'm afraid Vir would have to buy the broccoli. Not just because he would imediately deduce Londo would want some, if Londo did, but because Londo could not go quiet through a supermarket, or pass up the chance to shout indignantly at the owner for withholding broccoli from the great Centauri Republic. Which is a danger Vir would be aware of, and hence he would shop the broccoli in advance, thus preventing Londo from ever entering the shop.


Angel/Darla: broccolis do not apply. Even during the period when Darla is human, she wouldn't touch the stuff. As for domesticity and hanging out: on the other hand, spending 150 plus years together isn't all sex and mind games and eating people. Who do you think Angel picked up a fondness for ballet from? And you know, that trip to Rome where Holtz captures him? It's canon that was about Darla wanting to see paintings. Theirloveissotouristy.

Arvin Sloane/Jack Bristow: are excellent at reading each other, most of the time, and would pass the broccoli test with flying colours, though the broccoli would of course be something either containing a microchip or drenched in Rambaldi juice. Or something. And given Jack manages to be One Of The Straightest Men On TV In Terms Of Vibe, and it's always a big effort to get around that, it's actually far easier to imagine them in non-sexual situations. You know they play chess on a regular basis. Which leads me to...

Jack Bristow/Irina Derevko: Irina knows all about Jack's desire for broccoli, but she had enough of buying those when she was Laura, so she tasks Sark with arranging an explosion in the supermarket instead, which leads to Jack suspecting her, which leads to mind games and sexual tension and then to sex.

Also, when she was Laura she never played chess with Jack because that might have given her away, but she is competely sure if she had done, she'd have beaten him far more often than Arvin did.


Arvin Sloane/Emily Sloane: are the picture of comfortable domesticity. They also have no difficulty passing the broccoli test. The problem is that after having thoughtfully bought the broccoli Emily wanted, and then some, Arvin spots other not so healthy vegetables on the shelf and buys them in secret without telling her.


Bonus 'ship: Tom Zarek/Laura Roslin: would both send Lee shopping instead via clever insinuations.

Comments

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

I am very tired and not coherent but "They both make Lee get the broccoli," is the best answer to this, ever.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Because you know it's true. *nods sagely*

[grimorie.livejournal.com]

Love your Jack/Irina!

which leads to mind games and sexual tension and then to sex.

Which is really, the point of it all. And, yes, Irina would so bomb a supermarket just for that reason! Hee.

[bubosquared.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, I'm afraid Vir would have to buy the broccoli.

Yes, but would he be taking G'Kar shopping with him? Because my brain is now imagining that and I don't know if I can take the mental images.

help.

LOL

[ann1962]

Theirloveissotouristy.

How true this is!

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

Your scenarios -- with the characters I know -- made me nearly snort tea through my nose.

"Theirloveissotouristy."

YES, IT IS! 150 years with each other: dear God. They must know a lot about How The Other Half Lives. Provided those 50% are bloodthirsty, hedonistic vampires.

ALL your Alias scenarios are delicious. Hey, did you read my latest Alias fic?

[selenak.livejournal.com]

She so would.*g*

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Well, we know G'Kar is a dedicated cook, so....

Re: LOL

[selenak.livejournal.com]

*g*

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Not yet, but I will!

[honorh.livejournal.com]

Ten and Rose more than pass the broccoli test, and Rose and Nine did by the end of the season as well. Of course, given "Bad Wolf," Nine and Jack also passed the broccoli test, so . . .

[bethos.livejournal.com]

Bonus 'ship: Tom Zarek/Laura Roslin: would both send Lee shopping instead via clever insinuations.

Haha. This is my favorite.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

They so would!

[selenak.livejournal.com]

They can all eat together. Which we know they want anyway.*g*

[honorh.livejournal.com]

There is no logical conclusion other than an OT3.

[violaswamp.livejournal.com]

Heh. You know, I think this really depends on what kind of ship you're talking about--is it a stable kind of love that could lead to marriage? Is it love at all, or just massive amounts of chemistry? Etc. Because married couples would probably pass the broccoli test, but many of the hottest ships in fandom are hot precisely because of the massive differences and incompatible minds of the people in question.

I actually think familial relationships, rather than romantic ones, have the best chance of passing the broccoli test. Siblings in particular.

[owl]

And Lee and Kara would throw broccoli at each others' heads.

[mahala.livejournal.com]

...and hence he would shop the broccoli in advance, thus preventing Londo from ever entering the shop.

Oh. Perfect.

But Roslin would send the Admiral out for broccoli. Lee would just end up bringing home cilantro.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

You do have a point.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

True!

[bubosquared.livejournal.com]

The mental images of G'Kar and Vir going shopping together are entirely too cute. Of course, Vir would get the broccoli for Londo, while G'Kar would try and convince him that no, Londo really wants sprouts, just to be annoying and contrary.