I think, for me, I want the character to show regret or the narrative to go 'holy shit this is wrong' Methos is one that really twigs it for me. I LOVE him as a character but don't much struggle with that at all since there's an element of both the show & the character acknowledging it. Both the reactions of Mac & Methos do a pretty solid job of selling both points pretty well and I'm forever amused by the fact that the show had Joe right there with some of fandom's favorite justifications (the times were different...)

I expect fandom to have those voices (as disappointing as they are) but when the narrative is just as bad, I find the fandom antics to be just that much more frustrating. I know I do with Regina. I want to see her move forward on her arc, to do the whole redemption thing, but I definitely, definitely want to see her acknowledge what happened with Graham and I don't think I ever will get that so I find fandom's attempts to mitigate the 28+ years of repeated rape absolutely grating.