Evil Filk Ideas

[selenak]

Writing Londo’s entry for this week’s theatrical_muse challenge, I suddenly got this image of him singing Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina My Centauri. Then I thought the Waltz for Eva and Che would work equally well for Londo and G’Kar in the second or early third season. And then then my silly filking muse told me that this was all wrong, that Delenn was Evita, not Londo.

“Just think,” she whispered. “A cynical libretto writer from the later Third Age. Delenn as Eva, Sheridan as Peron, Neroon as Che, Anna Sheridan as Peron’s mistress… it would work.

Pondering this insanity further, I came to the conclusion it wouldn’t work for either Delenn or Londo, but couldn’t resist filking two songs from Evita for each. Sometimes, only minimal changes were required.


I’ll Be Surprisingly Good For You

(Delenn: ) Captain Sheridan
(Sheridan:) Ambassador Delenn.

(Delenn and Sheridan: )
I’ve heard so much about you

I’m amazed, for I’m only a Satai (a soldier)
Nothing to shout about (One of the thousands)
Only a Minbari with hair (Defending the planet he loves)

(Delenn :)
But when you act, the things you do affect as all

(Sheridan: )
But when you act, you take us away from the squalor of the real world
Are you here on your own?

(Delenn:) (ignoring Lennier)
Yes, oh yes

(Sheridan : ) (setting Anna’s photo aside)
So am I, what a fortunate coincidence
Maybe you’re my reward for my efforts in the war

(Delenn : )
It seems crazy but you must believe
There’s nothing calculated, nothing planned
Please forgive me if I seem naïve
I would never want to force your hand
But please understand, I’d be good for you

I don’t always rush in like this
Twenty seconds after saying hello
Telling strangers I’m too good to miss
If I’m wrong I hope you’ll tell me so
But you really should know, I’d be good for you
I’d be surprisingly good for you

I won’t go on if I’m boring you
But do you understand my point of view?
Do you like what you hear, what you see
And would you be good for me too?

I’m not talking of a hurried night
A frantic tumble then a shy goodbye
Getting not a single ritual right
That’s not the reason why I caught your eye
Which has to imply, I’d be good for you
I’d be surprisingly good for you

(Sheridan : )
Please go on, you enthrall me
I can understand you perfectly
And I like what I hear, what I see, and knowing me
I would be good for you too.


And so forth, and so on. Then we get to the reaction on Minbar and on Earth:


ISN: At the watering holes of the Council Grey
We detect some great dismay
( Grey Council : ) Precisely
( ISN : ) At our heroine’s style
( Grey Council : ) We’re glad you noticed

(ISN : ) The shooting sticks of the Warrior Caste
( Warrior Caste :) Give her an inch
(ISN : ) Aren’t supporting a single ass
That would rise for the girl
( Warrior Caste: ) She’ll take a mile

( Grey Council : )
Such a shame she wandered out of our enclosure
How unfortunate this person has forced us to be blunt
No we wouldn’t mind seeing her off Minbar
But in rags and doing penance, not in front

(ISN : ) Could there be in our fighting corps
A lack of enthusiasm for
(Earthforce: ) Exactly
(ISN: ) Sheridan’s latest flame
(Earthforce: ) You said it brother

(ISN : )
Should you wish to cause great distress
In the tidiest officer’s mess
Just mention her name

(Earthforce and Night Watch : )
That isn’t funny!

Sheridan is a fool, breaking every taboo
Installing an Alien in his station’s HQ
And she’s a Minbari, the last straw!
She shouldn’t have hair beneath her bone
He shouldn’t take White Stars from her as a loan
Or Clark could be mighty sore

The evidence suggests
She has other interests
If it’s her who’s using him
He’s exceptionally dim
Bitch! Dangerous Jade

(Grey Council :)
We have allowed ourselves to slip
We have completely lost our grip
We have declined to an all-time low
Freaks have become the set to know

(Delenn : )
I’m only a Religious Caste woman with one loyal aide
But speaking as Ambassador for which I don’t get anymore paid,
We are tired of the inertia of Minbar
With no sign of a government able to do what needs to be done!

(Earthforce : )
It’s no crime for officers to do as they please
As long as they’re discreet and keep clear of diseasre
We ignore, we disregard
But once they allow a bit on the side
To move to the center where she’s not qualified
We are forced to mark his card.

She should get into her head
There are no rituals for bed
She keeps talking about Fate
Still it doesn’t get him laid!
Slut! Dangerous Jade

(ISN :)
This has really been your year, Ambassador
Tell us where you go from here, Ambassador
Which are the chants that you yearn to pray?
Whom did you dine… meditate with yesterday?

(Delenn : )
Praying is limiting, the galaxy’s at war
That’s what John really needs me for!

(ISN : )
Can we assume then that you’ll quit?
Is this because of your involvement with Captain Sheridan?

(Lennier: )
Goodnight and thank you

(Earthforce :)
She won’t be kept happy by her nights on the tiles
She says it’s his body, but she’s after his files
So get back on to Minbar!

She should get into her head:
There no rituals for bed
She keeps talking about Fate
Still it doesn’t get him laid!
The evidence suggests
She has other interests
If it’s her who’s using him
He’s exceptionally dim!

(Grey Council : )
Things have reached a pretty pass
When someone of the religious caste
Marries a human, uninspired
Which gets accepted and admired.


So much for Delenn as Evita. Meanwhile, my original inspiration, i.e. Londo standing on the balcony of the Casa Rosada the Royal Palace:



(Londo : )
It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I’ve done

You won’t believe me
All you will see is a man you once knew
Although he’s dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you

I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn’t stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun

So I chose Morden
Starting a war, and ending it, too
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to

Chorus:
Don’t cry for me, my Centauri
The truth is, I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don’t keep your distance

And as for fortune, and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired

They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me

Don’t cry for me, my Centauri

(Chorus)

Have I said too much?
There is nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true.

Which would presumably be the musical version of his holographic speech in season 5. Back to season 2, or maybe season 3’s Convictions, specifically, Londo and G’Kar trapped in the transport tube:



( G’Kar : )
Tell me before I waltz out of your life
Before turning my back on the past
One last old-style behaviour:
How long do you think this pantomime can last?
Tell me before I fly off in the sunset
There’s one thing I never got clear
How can you claim you’re your world’s savior
When those who appose you are stepped on,
Or cut up, or simply disappear?

(Londo : )
Tell me before you switch on your new halo
Before joining the messiah brigade
How can one person like me, say,
Alter the time-honored way the game is played?
Tell me before you get on to your high horse
Just what you expect me to do?
I don’t care what the Anla’Shok say
I’m not in business for them
But to give all my fellow Centauri
A moment of glory or two

(G’Kar and Londo : )
There is evil, ever around
Fundamental, system of government
Quite incidental

(Londo: )
So what are my chances of honest advances?
I’d say low
Better to win by admitting my sin
Than to lose with a halo

(G’Kar: )
Tell me before I seek worthier pastures
And thereby restore self-esteem
How can you be so short-sighted
To look never further than this week or next week
To have no impossible dream?

(Londo: )
Allow me to help you slink off to the sidelines
And mark your adieu with three cheers
But first tell me who’d be delighted
If I said I’d take on more universal problems
From war to pollution, no hope of solution
Even if I lived for one hundred years

(G’Kar and Londo: )
There is evil, ever around
Fundamental, system of government
Quite incidental

(Londo: )
So go, if you’re able, to somewhere unstable
Whip up your hate in some tottering state
But not here, dear
Is that clear, dear?

And now I’ll have Andrew Llyod Webber tunes in my head for the rest of the day. Great Maker.