Across The Universe

Posted by Doktor Zoom

http://wonkette.com/536270/deleted-comments-of-the-day-you-trashy-racist-bitchsluts-need-to-say-merry-christmas-or-else

http://wonkette.com/?p=536270

Looks like it’s time for another trip to the ol’ comment queue, that purgatory where comments submitted by new users must cool off until we deem them worthy of inclusion in the Wonkette Community (bribery can help). Our first missive comes from “Sam_Gavurin,” who was not at all pleased with our story about fake “War On Christmas” stories. Sam_Gavurin sent two important messages, the first being an all-caps “C H MERRY I S T M A S ! !” which we think may be some kind of concrete poem or something. The second made his point a bit more explicitly:

If you miserable “Politically Correct ” killjoys want to abstain from CHRISTMAS, that’s fine with me! But DO NOT ruin CHRISTMAS for the rest of us. If you killjoys hate CHRISTMAS so much, move to a communist country, and leave us alone! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Since neither of the items in the actual story actually involved anyone attempting to ruin, abolish, or otherwise harm Christmas — except maybe the fascists of Orange County who don’t allow Christmas lights strung across a public road, because zoning/safety — we will have to assume that Sam_Gavurin just wanted to drop by and remind us of our holiday travel options. And a cheery Festivus to you, too, Sam_Gavurin!

Our story about Sarah Palin’s flawless victory over Martin Bashir, who had to resign because he said something about dookies, was not appreciated by “allhailpalin,” whose username suggests they are a big fan of that fellow who does the travel documentaries. Or maybe it was the comments they didn’t care for, since allhailpalin writes (all comments copied verbatim)

a lot of shit lovers on here ,childlike

and

what kind of “adults” sit around talking about shit my kids stopped when they were about 5 or 6 on national tv at that

We are indeed impressed that allhailpalin got their kids on national TV, although we don’t think we’d actually watch a program in which children talk about shit and then stop. Is this on one of those niche cable networks like BMTV or the PooperStation?

We also got a reminder to watch our language from one “rgolden” in response to our piece on Barack Obama’s lying lies about his uncle, which as we recall was pretty free of naughty words anyway; maybe you terrible people and your terrible cussy comments just drove them to distraction:

When did people start talking this way like it’s normal? I don’t get it. “punch” “bitch” :”shit down her throat” — people these days like to sound like absolute trash. I don’t get that. Since when did trashy become cool? Gross.

We could launch into a brief discussion of the place of creative obscenity in a flourishing democratic culture, touching on such landmarks as Lenny Bruce and the Berkeley Free Speech Movement, and making reference to such masters of bawdy as Shakespeare and Mark Twain, but fuck it.

“Simonzee1″ added this comment to a post about scary gay adoptive parents — the story had nothing to do with either Barack Obama or Nelson Mandela, but it ran on the day Mandela died, so close enough.

Obama would know nothing of taking on the weight of a nation through personal suffering and sacrifice like Mandela. This is the difference between a construct of the left and the real world. Obama and his pre-fab self are a creation of Hollwood along with his values as he admitted himself. When will the left just admitt that these constructs and creations to cater for the cult of personality and their politically correct religion are dangerous duds as they seek to establish their own flailing legacy. Martin Luther King and Mandela had soul because they were not tools and stooges of the left. The left just rallied around them and smothered them as trophies. A bit like like they “pretend” to speak for and represent the bests interests of blacks or Latinos or Hispanics. All trophies no action. Mandela and Martin Luther King belong to God not to illiberal leftist clowns in Hollwood and the media.

Simonzee1 felt pretty strongly about this, too — enough to copypaste it, word for word, to six other websites. We have a feeling that he does not know much more about Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela beyond the indisputable fact that both were conservative Republicans.

Our piece making fun of the CBS Fun In The Morning Programme for using Toto’s “Africa” in a teaser for coverage of Nelson Mandela’s funeral drew this reply from “MRsc831,” who didn’t have a problem with the song, but with our assumption that somebody at CBS was just incredibly lazy:

Isnt it wrong to put a black/white label on choice of song, especially when its linked to Mandela? I thought he was fighting exactly against this stereotypical behaviour, so this article really is kinda dumb. Besides, toto rocks! Mandela woulda dug it!!

OK, but isn’t the point that there’s, like, a lot of South African music that they could have used? Even so, we might actually be persuaded not to delete MRsc831, depending on what you guys think. (We should totally add a “give us Barabbas” poll to this feature, don’tcha think?)

And finally, Yr Editrix’s piece Tuesday — about what appeared to be Michelle Obama’s epic side-eye at her husband taking selfies with some cheesy Danish — got a little bit of blowback, possibly because Rebecca is Strom Thurmond or something. “Zin88″ found the headline problematic:

Michelle is pissed “Y’all”? “Y’all”? “Y’all”? Melanin tells you everything you think you need to know about the way someone speaks? “Y’all”? No.

And “Stopignorance1″ had far more to say on the matter about how Rebecca did a racism:

Rebecca Schoenkopf, you ignorant racist bitchslut. Michelle Obama is not “…Pissed ‘Y’all’ “. Neither the President nor the First Lady is interested or concerned about “Tall, blonde and ‘pretty’ “. The President was surrounded by “Tall, blonde and allegedly ‘pretty’ ” at Occidental, Columbia and Harvard as well as on countless Hawaiian beaches yet he chose Tall, BLACK, gorgeous and intelligent. Despite your fantasies that the President will ditch Michelle and put “tall, blonde and allegedly pretty” in the role of First Lady that will never happen. “Tall, blonde and allegedly pretty”, something that I am sure you are not, is irrelevant to the President so slither back to the irrelevancy that you are and continue to be envious of Michelle Obama, power, intelligence and beauty. The President does not want Tall, blonde and allegedly pretty, so there is no one through whom you can live vicariously, imagining yourself as Obama’s side chick, so don’t flatter yourself.

“Y’all” = unspeakable. “Bitchslut” = just speaking truth to a racist who has sick fantasies about replacing the FLOTUS with an allegedly pretty blonde from one of those bork-bork-bork Swedish Chef countries. In any case, Rebecca will now go stand in her Privilege Corner.

Now, if we can just figure out a way to arrange for Stopignorance1 and Zin88 to meet MRsc831 for an afternoon of coffee and music appreciation….

http://wonkette.com/536270/deleted-comments-of-the-day-you-trashy-racist-bitchsluts-need-to-say-merry-christmas-or-else

http://wonkette.com/?p=536270

Posted by Doktor Zoom

http://wonkette.com/536323/lamar-alexanders-aide-and-the-lighter-side-of-child-porn-allegations

http://wonkette.com/?p=536323

Oh, damn, Wonkers, you know what the adorable kittens mean, don’t you? The adorable kittens mean we have a story about something terrible and we’re going to try to buffer it with something sweet and cute. Does that work, or is it just going to make you guys start feeling sad whenever you see an adorable kittycat?

So let’s just get it over with: Tennessee Sen. Lamar Alexander’s chief of staff, Ryan Loskarn, is the subject of a child pornography investigation. Loskarn was taken away from his home in handcuffs this morning while agents from the Postal Service searched his home. Yick. We will try very hard to make an amusing joke about the Postal Service being the ones investigating this nastiness… um… something something we never get our kiddie porn delivered on time? No?

Anyway, Alexander immediately placed Loskarn on administrative leave without pay and said his office would fully cooperate with investigators, which of course is what you do in a situation like this. And wouldn’t it be lovely if we had a government where “what to do when an aide is arrested for (alleged) sex crimes” was something we had absolutely no framework for, like with Iceland and police shootings?

In any case, we would far prefer our Dicktember be filled with tales of embarrassing, preferably kinky, consensual sex between adults, not this sort of slime. At this point, the only possible good that can come out of this is that some wingnut will strain themselves trying to attribute Loskarn’s behavior to abortion, gay marriage, or Obamacare. Long term, we would like to investigate options for encouraging far more ill-advised sexytime between consenting adults in Washington. Surely there’s a grant proposal to be written, some foundation money for a pilot project?

Please Congress, won’t you think of the bloggers?

http://wonkette.com/536323/lamar-alexanders-aide-and-the-lighter-side-of-child-porn-allegations

http://wonkette.com/?p=536323

Posted by Doktor Zoom

http://wonkette.com/536311/possibly-fake-sign-language-guy-at-mandela-memorial-was-pretty-much-just-signing-sarah-palin-speeches

http://wonkette.com/?p=536311

Bruno Druchen, the national director of the Deaf Federation of South Africa said the unnamed man seen on television next to leaders such as US President Barack Obama “was moving his hands around but there was no meaning in what he used his hands for.”

How did this happen? Who is this man? Was this all part of George Costanza’s wacky scheme to try to impress Marlee Matlin?

The organizers of the memorial have not yet figured out exactly what went wrong, but the Washington Post notes that part of the confusion may involve one bit of unpleasant history from apartheid (which, as we know, was otherwise pretty good):

As late as the 1980s, South Africa employed different sign languages for whites and blacks, making it next to impossible for deaf blacks to get jobs or educations …

Since the mid-1990s, South Africa has adopted one sign language, SASL, and a set of educational policies that encourage it to be taught in schools. But interestingly, the new language is still in the process of being codified, which means there’s no single, standard form — and according to the Deaf Federation of South Africa, not all language schools there use it. In fact, in 2008 there were only six professional, accredited SASL interpreters in the entire country, a situation that University of Cape Town researcher Marion Heap, writing in the Cape Times, called an “urgent” public health risk.

We’re eventually going to find out just what the hell was going on — our money is on bureaucratic indifference combined with the “interpreter” turning out to be a friend of a nephew of somebody involved in planning the event. NPR reports that the same “interpreter” was the focus of a complaint by the Federation of the Deaf after a similar performance at another event last year, so it would seem that he didn’t just wander in from the wings.

We’ll say this much for Big Government, American style: thanks to Bob Dole and a bunch of very pissed off activists who got the Americans with Disabilities Act passed in 1990, this kind of incompetent interpretation would never happen at a national event here. The idiots we elect to office may say some incredible nonsense, but you can bet it will be accurately interpreted into sign language.

[The Independent / WaPo / NPR]

http://wonkette.com/536311/possibly-fake-sign-language-guy-at-mandela-memorial-was-pretty-much-just-signing-sarah-palin-speeches

http://wonkette.com/?p=536311