Who does that?

[selenak]

Speaking of tropes: one beloved by fanfiction and profiction (at least in tv form) alike is the one where, if the hero/heroine's alternate love interest isn't killed off or revealed to be unworthy, he/she says "but you're really meant to be with X!", recognizing the superior love of the main pairing (or, as likedeuce once put it, realizes "you're the leading actress, but I'm not the leading man!") and their true love, and selflessly steps aside.

Can anyone think of any real life examples for that? I mean, other than historical situations where, say, a monarch got interested and an already existing husband thought it was far better to be accomodating etc. Because I really doubt that. And I'm trying to think of an example, in either pro or fanfic, that I both believed and liked, and coming up short. (Just a few examples: Arguably the worst of the Angel season finales was that of the third season, where everyone and their alter ego tells Angel and Cordy they're meant for each other, including Cordelia's earlier love interest. Lancelot not even bothering to explain himself to Gwen in person but letting Merlin give her the "some things were not meant to be" speech made me want to slap him, and I liked the character otherwise. And I know some slash writers use this plot device so the canon girlfriends/spouses/whatevers don't have to be killed off or be vilified, but that doesn't make "now I can see how superior your love for X is! Shag and be blessed!" scenes more believable to me.

(What I can think of are real life examples of people who thought their previous signifcant others should have this attitude, but not surprisingly, said s.o. were instead responding with varying degrees of hurt and "oh hell, no!". )

Trying to stretch it: hm, perhaps Laurie Juspycek and Dr. Manhattan are a believable and sympathetic-to-me example in Watchmen. Not least because due to his ability to see past, present and future at once, he knew she'd tell him about Dan before it ever happened, plus the comics allow him to be hurt anyway. Also, Watchmen doesn't imply Laurie never loved Jon to begin with, they have their most significant scene after their break up, and their relationship falls apart for completely Dan-unrelated reasons before that. It's not a question of "zomg, now I can see Dan is your soulmate!" or anything like that.

But other than that, I'm at the moment at a loss to think of either pro or fanfic examples where I liked the obligatory "you're meant to be with X! You really love X! You two are perfect together!" *exists stage left* scene.

Comments

[likeadeuce]

I have definitely known of situations where a person tried to (and sometimes succeeded at) fix a friend up with an ex, but that's very much a 'breakup happened and maybe this will help the ex accept it').

But -- well, when I posted that, I was responding to an extraordinarily blatant example on a current TV show that just ended its first season (I don't want to say more than that in case people haven't seen it and want to catch up later, but anybody who did see the show will likely know what I'm talking about.

Also, of course, the implausibility of this situation assumes a monogamous standard -- you MUST leave me in order to be with this other person; in openly poly relationships, it would be quite a different dynamic.

[selenak]

I have definitely known of situations where a person tried to (and sometimes succeeded at) fix a friend up with an ex, but that's very much a 'breakup happened and maybe this will help the ex accept it').

Yes, and that's a completely different emotional dynamic. As are poly and open relatinships.

I was going to write I find this trope especially annoying when it's a male character telling a female one whom she REALLY loves, but on second thought, I dislike it just as much when we're talking about the transformation of female significant other to encouraging selfless yenta in slash fic. Not that OT3s work for every combination, but neither do "the love between you and X is so much DEEPER and BETTER and STRONGER than what we had" self negations.

[likeadeuce]

Are there femslash fics where the male love interest is telling the lady to go be with the other lady??? (In a selfless way, not in a "That's hot, can I come to?" way. Probably not.)

Also, the show I'm thinking of had laid a lot of groundwork with female lead + non main character, and almost nothing with female lead + male lead, so the "Crap this season is almost over and we haven't gotten female lead + male lead together, plot device needed!" dynamic was particularly transparent.

[trobadora]

Are there femslash fics where the male love interest is telling the lady to go be with the other lady???

Yes, there definitely are. I can't name examples right now, but I've seen it relatively frequently in Legend of the Seeker fandom, wherein the canonical pairing is Richard/Kahlan, but the big femslash pairing is Cara/Kahlan.

[selenak]

I've seen it done in the virtual third season, though said third season at least took the trouble of letting Richard and Kahlan gradually break up first (i.e. we are not asked to believe that Richard goes being a canon couple to realizing "zomg, Kahlan loves Cara!" to giving his blessings within five minutes, so to speak).

Xena had Xena/Gabrielle as the juggernaut pairing but given their status in canon, stories where another love interest selflessly steps aside so they can be together weren't necessary.

[trobadora]

You're right, we actually did it in the virtual season (fs_lots, if anyone's interested) - I'd completely forgotten that! But as far as I remember it's a pretty common trope in the fandom, often without the gradual break-up.

[snickfic]

All I can offer is a canon counterexample: Han in Return of the Jedi, giving Leia that speech about Luke, and Leia's like "LOLno incest." Just in general, I think I find that reversal much more emotionally effective (although, for the reasons you state, probably not any more realistic).

[selenak]

Okay, I grant you Han's moment is touching, but even so, he doesn't declare the scales have fallen from his eyes and he can see Leia's love for Luke is stronger and superior, he first asks her whether she loves Luke (which is more than Lancelot ever does in ep 2.04 re: Gwen and Arthur), and then, after she says she does, says she should be with Luke if she wants to, he's okay with that, whereupon Leia explains. I think it's that within his false assumption, he leaves the choice to Leia (while making it clear he's not doing this in an ultimatum fashion) which makes the scene different to me.

[likeadeuce]

You know, I can see the, "If you'd rather be with [other person,] I'm not going to stand in your way,' being offered out of insecurity or an exaggerated sense of nobility, but if the significant other actually ACCEPTED it, there was probably something else going on there. She didn't change her mind because the dude clued her in.

[frayadjacent]

It's a common trope in songs, too, e.g., Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You."

In real life, it's probably more common as a "letting someone down easy" kind of way, or something similar. You know, "it's not you, it's me. You're better off without me."

[kalypso]

I believe my father was quite co-operative about standing down when his first wife fell in love with an old university friend of his. But I don't think he told her she was destined to be with Archie, he just accepted it when she told him that (probably because he could see their own marriage wasn't working as well as it should). They all remained on good terms and he stayed with them when he was on leave during the war.

[lilacsigil]

I'm thinking of The Once and Future King where Arthur and Guinevere had a kind and friendly marriage but, when they were all older, Arthur quietly stepped aside to let Guinevere and Lancelot have their quiet romance. Even when Mordred and Agravaine made a Big Political Deal out of it, Arthur tried very hard to make the whole thing go away.

[cadenzamuse]

I feel like the closest you realistically get might be closeted person being told by their unwitting beard, "Hi, I like you and this is great, but seriously, I am the wrong gender for you." And I still think that would be a more nuanced and painful conversation in real life than in trope.

[skywaterblue]

Saw it happen a couple of times in my teens, but I think we're all so influenced by TV...

[shobogan]

I think with Jon, too, it was less "you should be with Dan" and more "you should be with someone else". He knew he wasn't being a good partner to Laurie. He knew she couldn't be happy with him, even though they loved each other.

So I could see it in that sense - one person accepting that they can't give what their partner needs, and someone else can. But it would be very bittersweet, and there'd need to be appropriate build up.

(Also, hi! I'm trying to remember I have a Dreamwidth.)

[selenak]

*waves back*

Yes, agreed about Jon and Laurie, and possible similar scenarios.