Star Wars Silliness
Oct. 15th, 2004 01:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
selenakSince the glorious day of the Farscape miniseries approaches, I'm both envious (of the Americans who'll see it this very weekend) and grateful (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hmpf, looking at you), and hope I can retain enough discipline to remain unspoiled until that CD by hmpf arrives.
In the meantime, here's my reply topenknife's challenge, which asked for a story involving voting, any fandom, any time. So I went to a galaxy far, far away...
HEADLINES FROM THE CORUSCANT POST
Chancellor on a Roll
As the reelection campaign for Chancellor Palpatine gathers momentum, his opponent, Senator Bail Organa from Alderaan, falls back in the polls.
“We’re living in a time of crisis,” comments Bibs Calina, one of the galaxy’s leading manufacturers of body armour. “You don’t switch to some bleedin’ heart Alderaanian when anarchy threatens, you stick with the guy who proved he can take charge of things.”
Bail Organa expressed his confidence in the democratic process but was unable to grant us an interview, as his headquarters were still in the process of being cleaned up after the recent mysterious break-in by a couple of Gungan burglars….
Gungans Released
The Gungans who were caught breaking into the campaign headquarters of opposition candidate Bail Organa were released once the fee for their parole was paid by none other than Jar Jar Binks, current representative of Naboo in tandem with Senator Amidala and one of the members of the Palpatine Reelection Committee, our reporters Bowi Woodwan and Cal-El Bernissian discovered.
Questioned about his interest in a couple of criminals, Binks reassured our reporters that he was simply acting out of compassion for some of his people. However, the account from which the sum necessary for their release was paid turns out not to be Binks’ own. Indeed it was opened on the day of the break-in itself at the Coruscant Cosmopolitan Bank. Could there be more behind this than simply another Gungan misadventure?
Trail of Corruption
Only two days before the galaxy votes for its new – and probably old – Supreme Chancellor, a mysterious source has approached our reporters Woodwan and Bernissian. The source, who wishes to be known solely as “Darth Throat”, has revealed to our reporters that the order to break into Organa’s headquarters came from none other than Chancellor Palpatine’s chief of staff, Jik Solo from Correllia. Of course, we double-checked this sensational information. As the man who opened the account from which the Gungan burglars were paid fits with Solo’s description, we investigated further and found out that on the night of their capture, the burglars did not call Representative Binks at all, but instead Solo directly.
A couple of Gungan criminals in possession of the Chief of Staff’s personal line is a starting idea, to say the least. Sadly, neither Mr. Solo nor anyone else from the Chancellor’s office was ready to comment…
Solo Solo
Manchurian Amidala?
Following his threat to throw our editor into the next garbage chute, Chief of Staff Solo was replaced by newcomer P. Tarkin who assured us that the Chancellor has nothing but respect for the freedom of the media. Jik Solo returns to his native Corellia, vowing to “stay away from politics and make sure my family does the same – it’s just not worth it!”
Speaking of worth: “Darth Throat” has pointed out to our reporters that the stunning wardrobe of Senator Amidala, admired by citizens of the galaxy everywhere, cannot possibly be financed by her income as the co-representative of Naboo alone. Could she be the true culprit of the corruption and illegal methods in the Palpatine Reelection Campaign? After all, she succeeded Palpatine as Senator for Naboo already; it may well be she has her eyes on a higher job as well, and seeks to discredit her predecessor from the inside. Investigations and material provided by “Darth Throat” revealed that she spent some time on the planet Tattoine, home of the well known Hutt gangster syndicate…
Palpatine Supreme
An overwhelming majority voted Supreme Chancellor Palpatine into his third term last night. Other members of the Senate fared less well; while Alderaan confirmed Bail Organa as its representative, he was seen has having spent too much time on his campaign for the Chancellorship and lost several percents. The same is true for Senator Amidala of Naboo, recently seen as less of an idealist and pacifist and more of an ambitious woman ready to strike due to reports of this newspaper. She, too, was reaffirmed, but only just.
Meanwhile, our reporters Woodwan and Bernissian went to a last meeting with “Darth Throat” but have not returned so far. Any sightings or other news of their whereabouts should be reported to our office on Coruscant at once.
In other news, the reelected Chancellor vowed to deal with the Separatists once and for all…
hmpf, looking at you), and hope I can retain enough discipline to remain unspoiled until that CD by hmpf arrives. In the meantime, here's my reply to
penknife's challenge, which asked for a story involving voting, any fandom, any time. So I went to a galaxy far, far away...HEADLINES FROM THE CORUSCANT POST
Chancellor on a Roll
As the reelection campaign for Chancellor Palpatine gathers momentum, his opponent, Senator Bail Organa from Alderaan, falls back in the polls.
“We’re living in a time of crisis,” comments Bibs Calina, one of the galaxy’s leading manufacturers of body armour. “You don’t switch to some bleedin’ heart Alderaanian when anarchy threatens, you stick with the guy who proved he can take charge of things.”
Bail Organa expressed his confidence in the democratic process but was unable to grant us an interview, as his headquarters were still in the process of being cleaned up after the recent mysterious break-in by a couple of Gungan burglars….
Gungans Released
The Gungans who were caught breaking into the campaign headquarters of opposition candidate Bail Organa were released once the fee for their parole was paid by none other than Jar Jar Binks, current representative of Naboo in tandem with Senator Amidala and one of the members of the Palpatine Reelection Committee, our reporters Bowi Woodwan and Cal-El Bernissian discovered.
Questioned about his interest in a couple of criminals, Binks reassured our reporters that he was simply acting out of compassion for some of his people. However, the account from which the sum necessary for their release was paid turns out not to be Binks’ own. Indeed it was opened on the day of the break-in itself at the Coruscant Cosmopolitan Bank. Could there be more behind this than simply another Gungan misadventure?
Trail of Corruption
Only two days before the galaxy votes for its new – and probably old – Supreme Chancellor, a mysterious source has approached our reporters Woodwan and Bernissian. The source, who wishes to be known solely as “Darth Throat”, has revealed to our reporters that the order to break into Organa’s headquarters came from none other than Chancellor Palpatine’s chief of staff, Jik Solo from Correllia. Of course, we double-checked this sensational information. As the man who opened the account from which the Gungan burglars were paid fits with Solo’s description, we investigated further and found out that on the night of their capture, the burglars did not call Representative Binks at all, but instead Solo directly.
A couple of Gungan criminals in possession of the Chief of Staff’s personal line is a starting idea, to say the least. Sadly, neither Mr. Solo nor anyone else from the Chancellor’s office was ready to comment…
Solo Solo
Manchurian Amidala?
Following his threat to throw our editor into the next garbage chute, Chief of Staff Solo was replaced by newcomer P. Tarkin who assured us that the Chancellor has nothing but respect for the freedom of the media. Jik Solo returns to his native Corellia, vowing to “stay away from politics and make sure my family does the same – it’s just not worth it!”
Speaking of worth: “Darth Throat” has pointed out to our reporters that the stunning wardrobe of Senator Amidala, admired by citizens of the galaxy everywhere, cannot possibly be financed by her income as the co-representative of Naboo alone. Could she be the true culprit of the corruption and illegal methods in the Palpatine Reelection Campaign? After all, she succeeded Palpatine as Senator for Naboo already; it may well be she has her eyes on a higher job as well, and seeks to discredit her predecessor from the inside. Investigations and material provided by “Darth Throat” revealed that she spent some time on the planet Tattoine, home of the well known Hutt gangster syndicate…
Palpatine Supreme
An overwhelming majority voted Supreme Chancellor Palpatine into his third term last night. Other members of the Senate fared less well; while Alderaan confirmed Bail Organa as its representative, he was seen has having spent too much time on his campaign for the Chancellorship and lost several percents. The same is true for Senator Amidala of Naboo, recently seen as less of an idealist and pacifist and more of an ambitious woman ready to strike due to reports of this newspaper. She, too, was reaffirmed, but only just.
Meanwhile, our reporters Woodwan and Bernissian went to a last meeting with “Darth Throat” but have not returned so far. Any sightings or other news of their whereabouts should be reported to our office on Coruscant at once.
In other news, the reelected Chancellor vowed to deal with the Separatists once and for all…
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 04:12 am (UTC)nice comedic flair to it!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 05:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 06:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 06:17 am (UTC)Bowi Woodwan and Cal-El Bernissian...Darth Throat...Absolutely hilarious!
B. who is trying hard not to be envious about certain people's Farscape privileges ;-)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 06:45 am (UTC)Also, glad to amuse.*g*
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 06:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 06:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 08:09 am (UTC)2) Terrific story...Absolutley hilarious. Darth Throat heheheh.
3) I signed up for David/Nate. Couldn't help myself!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 10:39 am (UTC)2.) Glad you like.*g*
3.) You're a peach!
Naboo-gate
Date: 2004-10-15 08:19 am (UTC)Re: Naboo-gate
Date: 2004-10-15 10:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 08:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 10:41 am (UTC)Incidentally--
Date: 2004-10-15 11:10 am (UTC)Thinking of a certain someone, are we?
Re: Incidentally--
Date: 2004-10-15 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 02:28 pm (UTC)Only two days before the galaxy votes for its new – and probably old – Supreme Chancellor
[snigger]
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 03:17 pm (UTC)