(no subject)

[selenak]

In recent days, I joked around with andrastewhite about how the Jossverse teaches people how not to deal with depression. She's going to post the list of Buffy-derived lessons on depression while I wrote the Angel list.

So: All I know about how not to deal with depression, I learned from Angel: The Series :

If I am depressed...

- I will not hit on attractive blonde women in an alley

- I will not go anywhere near my father

- or my mother figure, especially if she also used to be my lover

- I will not lock a bunch of lawyers in a room so they can be eaten

- I will not fire my employees and play lone avenger

- I will not ignore voicemail messages in favour of having sex

- though having sex with the woman I'm obsessed about might cure me of the depression, so I can throw her out and return to my friends

- I will not make a pact with a time-travelling demon

- I will not try to decypher prophecies on my own

- I will talk with my co-workers about terrible prophecies, instead of talking with my friend's arch-nemesis

- I might even consider talking to my friend about said terrible prophecies

- I will not try black magic; that never ends well

- I will not start a hot and dysfunctional relationship with a woman whose job it is to make the world a worse place

- I will not keep a slavegirl in a closet

- I will not have sex with my almost-boyfriend's son

- I will not kick my son out of my home just when he's finally ready to talk to me, even if he has had sex with my almost-girlfriend

- I will not believe prostitutes offer sex for free; this spares me humilation

- I will not obsess about my girlfriend and my former friend

- I will not get the bright idea of bringing back the evil psychotic version of my fearless leader

- I will not try to commit suicide by blowing myself and a lot of other people up

- I will not let my sleep be taken away and start talking with my mirror

- I will also not sleep overly long without asking someone trustworthy to monitor me

- I will not ask my father figure for a purpose unless I have a death wish

- I will not shoot employees in the kneecaps, or knife my co-worker

- though I will bond with a blue goddess who looks like the woman I loved, because otherwise I would be even more unstable

- I will not let my fearless leader talk me into assassinating people for him

- I will ask that my private airplane be supplied with larger bottles,so I can get genuinenly drunk.

Comments

[altariel.livejournal.com]

Brilliant. Can we have a B7 one?

[astrogirl2.livejournal.com]

I'm tempted to do a Farscape version. :)

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Go ahead!

[astrogirl2.livejournal.com]

OK, I did. :)

[selenak.livejournal.com]

You can, if you write it.*g* Am time-pressed now, alas.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

Typical Selena. Suggest something, and she'll say, "Great idea! Write it!" And I always do, as I am her loyal sidekick. (The rest of you can just bugger off--my Selena! Mine!)

[kangeiko]

- I will not keep a slavegirl in a closet

Geez, you're such a 'no' person. ;-)

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Do you know what slavegirls cost these days?

[honorh.livejournal.com]

You ought to know. Been waiting in your closet *for*-ever!

[selenak.livejournal.com]

But you did get my last mail, right? *g*

[kangeiko]

can't you declare them and get tax exemptions or something? i remember reading that somewhere...

[kskitten.livejournal.com]

LOL!
I will not have sex with my almost-boyfriend's son
Exactly! Please, don't! I was just watching the ep leading to this disaster. And no. Just no!

[selenak.livejournal.com]

You know, I actually had no problems with that, as opposed to 90% of the fandom, even before the full reasons were revealed. But that's me as a viewer, digging twistedness. In RL, it would be a terrible idea even if there was no Power That Was pulling the strings...

[kskitten.livejournal.com]

Well, for me, a no-no.
Got no problem with this though:
I will not start a hot and dysfunctional relationship with a woman whose job it is to make the world a worse place
It was way too hot to be bothered about this. ;)

[selenak.livejournal.com]

On another subject altogether, I promised thalia_seawood to send her the third and fourth season of Alias and am currently burning DVDs. Alas, I can't find season 3, episodes 1-10. Do you have these, and could you copy them for me and send them to thalia_seawood if I give you the adress? Costs will be replaced by yours truly, of course.

[kskitten.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I don't have season 3. I only d/l 4 for you girls. Wanted to start watching, but haven't gotten around to even season 1 yet.

ah, humanity, ahh, Wesley

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you can predict my favorites:


Except for this one, in which I don't see the bad:
- I will not start a hot and dysfunctional relationship with a woman whose job it is to make the world a worse place

Unless the prospect of eventually beheading her is a downside. In which case it can easily be solved with, "I will recognize that there are people who haven't been in hot and dysfunctional relationships with her who are just as capable of wielding that axe. Some of them even have EXPERIENCE in beheading their loved ones."

Re: ah, humanity, ahh, Wesley

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

oops, I meant to quote this part:
- I will not try to decypher prophecies on my own
- I will talk with my co-workers about terrible prophecies, instead of talking with my friend's arch-nemesis
- I might even consider talking to my friend about said terrible prophecies
- I will not start a hot and dysfunctional relationship with a woman whose job it is to make the world a worse place
- I will not keep a slavegirl in a closet
- I will not get the bright idea of bringing back the evil psychotic version of my fearless leader

Though, sereiously. If you can't trust your friend's arch-nemesis WHO CAN YOU TRUST?

Re: ah, humanity, ahh, Wesley

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Good point about the axe. He so should have let Connor behead Lilah - Connor even offered.*g*

Though, sereiously. If you can't trust your friend's arch-nemesis WHO CAN YOU TRUST?

Clearly, Wesley had been overly impressed by Giles' records showing the Buffy-Spike alliance re: Becoming....

Re: ah, humanity, ahh, Wesley

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

Connor: Got an ax? I'll dismember her for you.

Wes: No! It is very important for me to do this! It's called closure. It's something I learned from my father.

Re: ah, humanity, ahh, Wesley

[ladyofbrileith.livejournal.com]

*giggles very very much*

I'm sure you can appreciate the sheer relief of finding this before heading off to take the bar.

Gods...

My faves same as yours, naturally. ;)

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

- I will not start a hot and dysfunctional relationship with a woman whose job it is to make the world a worse place

Well darn, there goes my plan for the next time I'm depressed.

(-;

[selenak.livejournal.com]

It's depressing, I know.

[kathyh]

I will not shoot employees in the kneecaps, or knife my co-worker

Are you sure about that one, because really sometimes it's the only way to relieve depression!

[selenak.livejournal.com]

I know it's tough, but the price (a lonely death, because there are no more co-workers between me and it) is too high...

[ladyofbrileith.livejournal.com]

I will not shoot employees in the kneecaps, or knife my co-worker

Wesley really wants to know what's so bad about this. He says it's a perfectly valid form of office management, thank you very much.

...If he offers Darla a job with his new little endeavor, be wary. See above. *eyes him*

Seriously? I needed this so much this morning. Heading out for the first day of the exam and reading over and I just cracked up. Literally dying laughing. Thank you.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

He says it's a perfectly valid form of office management, thank you very much.

Him and kathyh, see her comment above. She used to work for the BBC, like George Orwell did. Between him putting the ministery of peace in the BBC building and her and Wesley's attitude, I'm beginning to see my self-employed status as the only thing that keeps me stable.*g*

...If he offers Darla a job with his new little endeavor, be wary. See above. *eyes him*

Oh yeah. Darla's kneecaps aren't replacable in her current shape, after all.

Also, glad to amuse!

[honorh.livejournal.com]

You're a genius. But you knew that. Have to skip over to andrastewhite's journal for the BtVS side now.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

I do my humble best. And yes, you must.*g*

[caille.livejournal.com]

I've learned that I must:

* refrain from entering (or if already present in, immediately exit) any alley at night if it starts to rain.

Think about it. You and your sweetie are running away from a really big rock, and it's raining really hard, so you should prolly take your clothes off so you don't get chilled... and then:

A nice lady goes out into a rainy alley for a smoke, sees a guy stumbling around, asks if he wants her to call 911, and - shpadoinkel - a newly un-ensouled vamp bites her and finishes her cigarette.

Or, you've been in a long boring coma for months, and you escape from the hospital, and suddenly you're having a pre-Evil Spree Shawshank moment, howling up into the nocturnal torrent.

Eventually you figure out you're not living right, and one thing leads to another, and there you are at night in a rainy alley, trying to kill a big guy who wants to help you, and you end up crying and beating your fists on him in a girly way, and then you go to prison.

Or you're so sure there's no way you can get pregnant, but you end up staking yourself, for the sake of the baby, at night in a rainy alley, and you're not even dust, just kind of a rapidly dissipating sludge.

And then, of course, there are dragons and evil hordes which, like super-moths to a flame, are drawn to rainy alleys at night.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Rainy alleys spell doom, it's so true!

[poisontaster]

- I will not ignore voicemail messages in favour of having sex

Okay...not let's not get CRAZY, here!

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Wrong priority in our universe, I agree, but consider that in the Jossverse, voicemail messages are always about people trying to committ suicide or stuff like that.*g*

[rayne-y-daze.livejournal.com]

- I will not lock a bunch of lawyers in a room so they can be eaten
- I will not try to commit suicide by blowing myself and a lot of other people up
- I will not shoot employees in the kneecaps, or knife my co-worker
- I will not start a hot and dysfunctional relationship with a woman whose job it is to make the world a worse place

I don't know...to some folks, that's called catharsis! :-)

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Not if they brood endlessly afterwards. *g*

[yhlee.livejournal.com]

*dies* Oh-so-true.

I printed this out. It is living on my wall. Hope you don't mind...?

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Not at all.*g*

[a-blue-moon-cat.livejournal.com]

Great list! Someone should make icons out of them, either text-based, or with a pic. That is, if you like the idea. *just thinking out loud* And no, alas, I don't make icons. Oh, yes, you should post this around--surely there's an Angel comm that likes humour? *looks hopeful*

Thanks and...

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Alas, I don't make icons, either, but kathyh who created this one does. She's away right now; I'll suggest it to her when she gets back.