Five Kisses (AtS fanfic)
Feb. 5th, 2006 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
selenakYou know, originally today's entry was supposed to be about Scar, the latest BSG ep (which I liked; more about it in another post), but then I found ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pearl_o suggesting a "Five Kisses" meme Now, which pairing do you think this inspired me to write? Hint: it's the one one that must be the most unpopular of the Jossverse. No, not Willow/Kennedy. The (canon) pairing I mean is one we weren't actually meant to root for, but see as Bad Wrong Leading To Terrible Things, and not in a season 6 Buffy/Spike manner. Because I am perverse that way. I let other people write about the sexy pairings and go for the tragic mess. Further hint: it's also what came to mind when karabair issued a "get Cordy laid" challenge a few days ago, and why I won't participate in said challenge. (Can't imagine anyone actually requesting this.) By which you can deduce Cordelia is one half of it. thalia_seawood, you're not allowed to read. This one has spoilers.
So, without further ado:
Five Kisses: Connor and Cordelia
I. „I did it, I did it!“ Cordelia exclaims, and when she runs to Connor, hugging him, her giddiness is infectious. He was right to take her out fighting. Then her lips touch his, briefly. He knows this. Sunny showed him. So he pulls her close again and kisses her back, not briefly at all. He can taste the dust of the vampire she just staked on her, and that seems right. The vampire was his gift to her after all. It’s not like he has much of anything else to offer.
When she draws back and wipes her mouth, the taste of ash still stays with him.
II. There is sulphur in the air, everywhere. He can smell it. And yet, impossibly, he can also smell Cordelia’s perfume. She must have taken it with her when she returned from the Hyperion.
“It’s not you, baby,” she whispers, and Connor doesn’t quite know anymore whether she means that as a reassurance about the Beast or the rain of fire, or whether she means something else altogether. “It’s not you. Not you.”
Then she kisses him, slowly and deliberately. He’s already healing from his encounter with the Beast, but he’s still covered with bruises, and his mouth is still sore in places. That wasn’t how he dreamt this happening at all. He’s not fit for her. So he pulls back and asks her why, and she tells him she wants him to have something real.
Her tongue is real, seeking out all the sore places, and so are her hands, and he doesn’t know much of anything else that is anymore.
III. Her belly is swollen, and in the newly returned sunlight, he can see veins in the stretched skin. “Touch it,” Cordelia says, and even though he can hear himself muttering something about this being impossible, he knows he’s wrong.
“We’re connected now,” she tells him, and kisses him, gently, before leaning him back on the bed. “You and me. Forever.” There is a new passion when she kisses him the second time, not consoling or comforting anymore. Hungrily, as if she can draw something from him, and for a good while, he forgets to breathe.
The child seems to do that for both of them anyway.
IV. When he tells her he doesn’t know what he is, Cordelia says he’s a father. She also adds more about being special, but the father part is what Connor remembers and what he repeats back to her. For all of Angelus’ taunts, he has no memories of Cordelia acting like a mother towards him. Not until now when she is about to become the mother of his child. Now when she rewards him for his recitation with a kiss, she tastes of the satisfaction a teacher has with her student. That’s okay, though. She forms him into the father she needs him to be for their baby, which makes her into his mother in a way, he supposes.
Sometimes he wonders whether he could draw milk from her. That might replace the demon blood in his veins entirely.
V. The Transcendant Mother, they call her. There is nothing transcendant about Cordelia in her utter stillness. Jasmine says she’s at peace and waiting for the world to be perfect at last so she can wake up again, but the moment Angel gets infected by Fred and turns away from them, Connor knows that will never happen. When he at last finds her again in the church, he talks to her as if she could hear him, and all the time he knows she can’t. It’s cold in the building, so cold, and at last he has to touch her to be sure she’s not a corpse. There is barely a pulse in her wrist, but it’s there.
Drawing the veil that covers her face back, he has one last, crazy idea. Jasmine can heal him. Maybe he can heal Cordelia. So he puts his mouth on hers one last time, and breathes.
But the only thing he can taste are his tears and the wax of the candles that surround her eternal sleep.
pearl_o suggesting a "Five Kisses" meme Now, which pairing do you think this inspired me to write? Hint: it's the one one that must be the most unpopular of the Jossverse. No, not Willow/Kennedy. The (canon) pairing I mean is one we weren't actually meant to root for, but see as Bad Wrong Leading To Terrible Things, and not in a season 6 Buffy/Spike manner. Because I am perverse that way. I let other people write about the sexy pairings and go for the tragic mess. Further hint: it's also what came to mind when karabair issued a "get Cordy laid" challenge a few days ago, and why I won't participate in said challenge. (Can't imagine anyone actually requesting this.) By which you can deduce Cordelia is one half of it. thalia_seawood, you're not allowed to read. This one has spoilers. So, without further ado:
Five Kisses: Connor and Cordelia
I. „I did it, I did it!“ Cordelia exclaims, and when she runs to Connor, hugging him, her giddiness is infectious. He was right to take her out fighting. Then her lips touch his, briefly. He knows this. Sunny showed him. So he pulls her close again and kisses her back, not briefly at all. He can taste the dust of the vampire she just staked on her, and that seems right. The vampire was his gift to her after all. It’s not like he has much of anything else to offer.
When she draws back and wipes her mouth, the taste of ash still stays with him.
II. There is sulphur in the air, everywhere. He can smell it. And yet, impossibly, he can also smell Cordelia’s perfume. She must have taken it with her when she returned from the Hyperion.
“It’s not you, baby,” she whispers, and Connor doesn’t quite know anymore whether she means that as a reassurance about the Beast or the rain of fire, or whether she means something else altogether. “It’s not you. Not you.”
Then she kisses him, slowly and deliberately. He’s already healing from his encounter with the Beast, but he’s still covered with bruises, and his mouth is still sore in places. That wasn’t how he dreamt this happening at all. He’s not fit for her. So he pulls back and asks her why, and she tells him she wants him to have something real.
Her tongue is real, seeking out all the sore places, and so are her hands, and he doesn’t know much of anything else that is anymore.
III. Her belly is swollen, and in the newly returned sunlight, he can see veins in the stretched skin. “Touch it,” Cordelia says, and even though he can hear himself muttering something about this being impossible, he knows he’s wrong.
“We’re connected now,” she tells him, and kisses him, gently, before leaning him back on the bed. “You and me. Forever.” There is a new passion when she kisses him the second time, not consoling or comforting anymore. Hungrily, as if she can draw something from him, and for a good while, he forgets to breathe.
The child seems to do that for both of them anyway.
IV. When he tells her he doesn’t know what he is, Cordelia says he’s a father. She also adds more about being special, but the father part is what Connor remembers and what he repeats back to her. For all of Angelus’ taunts, he has no memories of Cordelia acting like a mother towards him. Not until now when she is about to become the mother of his child. Now when she rewards him for his recitation with a kiss, she tastes of the satisfaction a teacher has with her student. That’s okay, though. She forms him into the father she needs him to be for their baby, which makes her into his mother in a way, he supposes.
Sometimes he wonders whether he could draw milk from her. That might replace the demon blood in his veins entirely.
V. The Transcendant Mother, they call her. There is nothing transcendant about Cordelia in her utter stillness. Jasmine says she’s at peace and waiting for the world to be perfect at last so she can wake up again, but the moment Angel gets infected by Fred and turns away from them, Connor knows that will never happen. When he at last finds her again in the church, he talks to her as if she could hear him, and all the time he knows she can’t. It’s cold in the building, so cold, and at last he has to touch her to be sure she’s not a corpse. There is barely a pulse in her wrist, but it’s there.
Drawing the veil that covers her face back, he has one last, crazy idea. Jasmine can heal him. Maybe he can heal Cordelia. So he puts his mouth on hers one last time, and breathes.
But the only thing he can taste are his tears and the wax of the candles that surround her eternal sleep.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 07:28 pm (UTC)One nitpick:
That wasn’t how he dreamt this to happen at all.
That doesn't sound idiomatic to me (though "meant this to happen" would). I'd suggest "dreamt this happening", or maybe just "dreamt this".
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 05:53 pm (UTC)By which I mean, finger-point away, I'm happy to aid and abet. This is terrific. (And you're right, nobody's requested that one; I might throw it in to my list to see if anybody's crazy enough to want it -- the good kind of crazy, of course!)
You may have seen it, but
By which I mean, finger-point away, I'm happy to aid and abet. This is terrific. (And you're right, nobody's requested that one; I might throw it in to my list to see if anybody's crazy enough to want it -- the good kind of crazy, of course!)
You may have seen it, but <lj site="livejournal.com" user="stoney321"> has a lovely story that touches on C/C, though Qortoth is the main focus: <a hef="a href="http://stoney321.livejournal.com/38524.html">Here</a>. Otherwise I don't think I've read any other C/C. I'm with you on not getting why it's supposed to be so icky, esp. from his POV. Cordelia's not really even Angel's ex, in any meaningful sense. And she's theoretically not even that much older than him -- certainly less of an age difference than with her and Angel, or even Wesley. Though of course, everybody knows, when the man's older it's sweet but when the woman is older it's just GROSS. /sarcasm. Now, granted, I wouldn't write it, as I tend to block everything that happens with Cordelia between, oh, "Double or Nothing" and "You're Welcome." But I'm glad you're carrying the torch or, um, keeping the candles burning.
Umm, I guess I should actually say something about the story? That first scene is so cute -- amnesia Cordy, when I think we're supposed to really believe she doesn't remember anything -- was very sweet and vulnerable, and why wouldn't she want Connor to take care of her. Great imagery throughout and lovely last line.
I'll stop rambling now and wait to see what you thought of "Scar."
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 07:06 pm (UTC)Re: the sweetness of amnesiac Cordy: have you read this (http://queen-c-tm.livejournal.com/107509.html?thread=3489781#t3489781)?
Tell me if anyone on your list is the good kind of crazy.*g*
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 07:48 pm (UTC)Stoney's story is here, Untouched (http://stoney321.livejournal.com/38524.html).
I'll check out the link (am way behind on RP stuff; curse Darth Real Life).
There are all kinds of crazy on LJ, though my main object in running this thon was getting somebody to write me Cordy with Gunn and/or Wes, so I'm probably sticking with those requests. Have had a few off the beaten path, too, though, so it's a good mix.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-06 04:28 pm (UTC)See, that's why you're better off without me. Because the second pairing I'd offer to write, aside from Cordy/Connor? Would be Cordy/Groo.*veg*
no subject
Date: 2006-02-06 04:39 pm (UTC)if you sign up, you'll totally get it. and then you can force someone besides you to write C/C.
*veg back*
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 06:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 06:43 pm (UTC)"Fascinating trainwreck" is just the right term for them.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 07:51 pm (UTC)Then I had one of those "maybe I'm too weird for fandom" moments and shut up. Though, looking back, nothing's too weird for fandom, so I may as well have spoken up.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 08:35 pm (UTC)Now, give me a middle aged brother and sister who want to go to hell together anytime *points to icon*
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 08:38 pm (UTC)The funny thing about that show is that I watched it years ago, and I can't even remember if the bro/sis incest was actually canon -- b/c everybody talks about it as though it was. But the show aired on network TV in like, 1988, and I keep thinking, "They could REALLY have gotten that on the air -- could they?"
there just aren't enough bro/sis dynamics in most canons, anyway, which is maybe why people go nuts with the CSI?
no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-05 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-06 01:36 am (UTC)Well done.