Five Kisses (AtS fanfic)
Feb. 5th, 2006 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
selenakYou know, originally today's entry was supposed to be about Scar, the latest BSG ep (which I liked; more about it in another post), but then I found ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pearl_o suggesting a "Five Kisses" meme Now, which pairing do you think this inspired me to write? Hint: it's the one one that must be the most unpopular of the Jossverse. No, not Willow/Kennedy. The (canon) pairing I mean is one we weren't actually meant to root for, but see as Bad Wrong Leading To Terrible Things, and not in a season 6 Buffy/Spike manner. Because I am perverse that way. I let other people write about the sexy pairings and go for the tragic mess. Further hint: it's also what came to mind when karabair issued a "get Cordy laid" challenge a few days ago, and why I won't participate in said challenge. (Can't imagine anyone actually requesting this.) By which you can deduce Cordelia is one half of it. thalia_seawood, you're not allowed to read. This one has spoilers.
So, without further ado:
Five Kisses: Connor and Cordelia
I. „I did it, I did it!“ Cordelia exclaims, and when she runs to Connor, hugging him, her giddiness is infectious. He was right to take her out fighting. Then her lips touch his, briefly. He knows this. Sunny showed him. So he pulls her close again and kisses her back, not briefly at all. He can taste the dust of the vampire she just staked on her, and that seems right. The vampire was his gift to her after all. It’s not like he has much of anything else to offer.
When she draws back and wipes her mouth, the taste of ash still stays with him.
II. There is sulphur in the air, everywhere. He can smell it. And yet, impossibly, he can also smell Cordelia’s perfume. She must have taken it with her when she returned from the Hyperion.
“It’s not you, baby,” she whispers, and Connor doesn’t quite know anymore whether she means that as a reassurance about the Beast or the rain of fire, or whether she means something else altogether. “It’s not you. Not you.”
Then she kisses him, slowly and deliberately. He’s already healing from his encounter with the Beast, but he’s still covered with bruises, and his mouth is still sore in places. That wasn’t how he dreamt this happening at all. He’s not fit for her. So he pulls back and asks her why, and she tells him she wants him to have something real.
Her tongue is real, seeking out all the sore places, and so are her hands, and he doesn’t know much of anything else that is anymore.
III. Her belly is swollen, and in the newly returned sunlight, he can see veins in the stretched skin. “Touch it,” Cordelia says, and even though he can hear himself muttering something about this being impossible, he knows he’s wrong.
“We’re connected now,” she tells him, and kisses him, gently, before leaning him back on the bed. “You and me. Forever.” There is a new passion when she kisses him the second time, not consoling or comforting anymore. Hungrily, as if she can draw something from him, and for a good while, he forgets to breathe.
The child seems to do that for both of them anyway.
IV. When he tells her he doesn’t know what he is, Cordelia says he’s a father. She also adds more about being special, but the father part is what Connor remembers and what he repeats back to her. For all of Angelus’ taunts, he has no memories of Cordelia acting like a mother towards him. Not until now when she is about to become the mother of his child. Now when she rewards him for his recitation with a kiss, she tastes of the satisfaction a teacher has with her student. That’s okay, though. She forms him into the father she needs him to be for their baby, which makes her into his mother in a way, he supposes.
Sometimes he wonders whether he could draw milk from her. That might replace the demon blood in his veins entirely.
V. The Transcendant Mother, they call her. There is nothing transcendant about Cordelia in her utter stillness. Jasmine says she’s at peace and waiting for the world to be perfect at last so she can wake up again, but the moment Angel gets infected by Fred and turns away from them, Connor knows that will never happen. When he at last finds her again in the church, he talks to her as if she could hear him, and all the time he knows she can’t. It’s cold in the building, so cold, and at last he has to touch her to be sure she’s not a corpse. There is barely a pulse in her wrist, but it’s there.
Drawing the veil that covers her face back, he has one last, crazy idea. Jasmine can heal him. Maybe he can heal Cordelia. So he puts his mouth on hers one last time, and breathes.
But the only thing he can taste are his tears and the wax of the candles that surround her eternal sleep.
pearl_o suggesting a "Five Kisses" meme Now, which pairing do you think this inspired me to write? Hint: it's the one one that must be the most unpopular of the Jossverse. No, not Willow/Kennedy. The (canon) pairing I mean is one we weren't actually meant to root for, but see as Bad Wrong Leading To Terrible Things, and not in a season 6 Buffy/Spike manner. Because I am perverse that way. I let other people write about the sexy pairings and go for the tragic mess. Further hint: it's also what came to mind when karabair issued a "get Cordy laid" challenge a few days ago, and why I won't participate in said challenge. (Can't imagine anyone actually requesting this.) By which you can deduce Cordelia is one half of it. thalia_seawood, you're not allowed to read. This one has spoilers. So, without further ado:
Five Kisses: Connor and Cordelia
I. „I did it, I did it!“ Cordelia exclaims, and when she runs to Connor, hugging him, her giddiness is infectious. He was right to take her out fighting. Then her lips touch his, briefly. He knows this. Sunny showed him. So he pulls her close again and kisses her back, not briefly at all. He can taste the dust of the vampire she just staked on her, and that seems right. The vampire was his gift to her after all. It’s not like he has much of anything else to offer.
When she draws back and wipes her mouth, the taste of ash still stays with him.
II. There is sulphur in the air, everywhere. He can smell it. And yet, impossibly, he can also smell Cordelia’s perfume. She must have taken it with her when she returned from the Hyperion.
“It’s not you, baby,” she whispers, and Connor doesn’t quite know anymore whether she means that as a reassurance about the Beast or the rain of fire, or whether she means something else altogether. “It’s not you. Not you.”
Then she kisses him, slowly and deliberately. He’s already healing from his encounter with the Beast, but he’s still covered with bruises, and his mouth is still sore in places. That wasn’t how he dreamt this happening at all. He’s not fit for her. So he pulls back and asks her why, and she tells him she wants him to have something real.
Her tongue is real, seeking out all the sore places, and so are her hands, and he doesn’t know much of anything else that is anymore.
III. Her belly is swollen, and in the newly returned sunlight, he can see veins in the stretched skin. “Touch it,” Cordelia says, and even though he can hear himself muttering something about this being impossible, he knows he’s wrong.
“We’re connected now,” she tells him, and kisses him, gently, before leaning him back on the bed. “You and me. Forever.” There is a new passion when she kisses him the second time, not consoling or comforting anymore. Hungrily, as if she can draw something from him, and for a good while, he forgets to breathe.
The child seems to do that for both of them anyway.
IV. When he tells her he doesn’t know what he is, Cordelia says he’s a father. She also adds more about being special, but the father part is what Connor remembers and what he repeats back to her. For all of Angelus’ taunts, he has no memories of Cordelia acting like a mother towards him. Not until now when she is about to become the mother of his child. Now when she rewards him for his recitation with a kiss, she tastes of the satisfaction a teacher has with her student. That’s okay, though. She forms him into the father she needs him to be for their baby, which makes her into his mother in a way, he supposes.
Sometimes he wonders whether he could draw milk from her. That might replace the demon blood in his veins entirely.
V. The Transcendant Mother, they call her. There is nothing transcendant about Cordelia in her utter stillness. Jasmine says she’s at peace and waiting for the world to be perfect at last so she can wake up again, but the moment Angel gets infected by Fred and turns away from them, Connor knows that will never happen. When he at last finds her again in the church, he talks to her as if she could hear him, and all the time he knows she can’t. It’s cold in the building, so cold, and at last he has to touch her to be sure she’s not a corpse. There is barely a pulse in her wrist, but it’s there.
Drawing the veil that covers her face back, he has one last, crazy idea. Jasmine can heal him. Maybe he can heal Cordelia. So he puts his mouth on hers one last time, and breathes.
But the only thing he can taste are his tears and the wax of the candles that surround her eternal sleep.
